I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
