White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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