I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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