There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
