Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
