I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
