god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
