yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
