It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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