I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
