An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
