I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
