i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
