Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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