I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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