i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
