My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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