wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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