he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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