This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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