While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
