There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
