She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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