I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
