I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
