Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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