Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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