I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
