Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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