And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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