I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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