New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
