I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
