I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
