guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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