nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
