I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
