i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
