after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
