white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
