I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
