Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
