for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
