The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize