ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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