like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
