you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
