did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
