my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize