i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
