i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
