i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
