Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
