I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
