Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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