I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
