my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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