We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
last night I used snow as a chaser
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
