just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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