we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
