Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
