i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
