I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
