Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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