i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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