he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
