I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I party with great urgency now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
