I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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